Fun Sayings

*We were watching Tinker Bell when there was a sad part in the movie. Kate asked me why she had tears then she wanted to know why she kept getting more tears. It was so cute because this was her first experience with this feeling. Apparently this was the first sad movie we have watched (I fast forwarded Lion King when the Dad died...) Such an innocent and sweet age!


*Liam says what sounds just like Bye Bye and moves his arm like he's waving bye whenever someone leaves or comes in the room. It's so cute!


*Fun Little Conversation with Abby on a cold rainy day:

Abby: I want to go out outside and play
Me: It's raining today
Abby: Then we need umbrella so my hair doesn't get wet
Me: But it's a cold rain
Abby: I'll get a jacket and hat then I won't be cold
Me: But the swings are all wet
Abby: You need to get a towel and dry the swings

I'm being outsmarted by my 2 year old!!!


* We told the girls they could pick out a movie to watch. It was Kate's turn to pick the movie. Among our Disney collection are some old VHS movies about New Testament stories. Abby is too young to like these movies but Kate likes them. Kate picked one out and we could hear Abby start whining and saying, "I don't like Jesus, no Jesus movie." Jason and I started laughing so hard from the other room. (Obviously she doesn't always have this attitude considering Jesus so we just let it go).

Chemo... My version of He*# week

This isn't meant to be a woe is me post. A lot of friends have asked me about what chemo is like and about my side effects. I have no problems talking about any of this. Unfortunately there isn't much I can sugar coat about chemo.

Cycle 1 was by far my worst. I underestimated how much I needed to rest and how sick I would get. I ended up being severely dehydrated and became very weak. I lost A LOT of weight. I hated that because it made me look sickly. I think from now on I will associate super skinniness with unhealthy. I had to go into the hospital to get fluids and that helped a lot. My blood pressure got dangerously low and I almost passed out. I started to loose my hair about 2 weeks after my first cycle. I didn't like the long strands falling out, again just seemed sickly, so I went to the wig place and had them cut my hair super short (like an inch). I LOVE my wig and I didn't mind the short little hairs falling out. 

The next couple of cycles were still rough but they automatically scheduled me to come in for fluids a few times and that helps. I've gained most of the weight back. Most people end up gaining weight during or after chemo but that's okay with me.

Some general side effects:

Apparently the younger you are the sicker you get. Cancer attacks the fast growing cells and your cells are growing faster when you're young. (Makes me sick to think of kids having to get chemo). 

I am nauseous for about 9 days straight. This is by far the worst. I had extreme sickness during my pregnancies but even this tops that. The chemo kills the lining of your stomach and digestive tract, hence being sick. When the cells grow back I get extreme pains and cramping. One cycle was so bad I was throwing up from the pain. I called the Dr. and they prescribed me a miracle pill to help. I should have called during my previous cycles but I always feel like there's nothing that can be done to help, which isn't always necessary true. The chemo kills the lining of your mouth, tongue, and nose too. I occasionally get mouth sores but they're not bad at all. I do sometimes get a bloody nose and sores in my nose but neosporin helps that. My lips get really chapped and my eyes will get dry. All solved by chapstick and eyedrops (usually during the middle of the night). 

I have to take steriods for a 3 day period to counteract side effects from the chemo. This means I don't really sleep for those days. Luckily I only have to take them for 3 days.

Thankfully, I get good weeks during all this too. I am refusing to miss out on too much of our kids so lots of times I have to suck it up and do things, but during my good weeks I take complete advantage of those days. I get so much done and make sure to get out or do a girl's nights. Jason and I have actually been on lots of dates because it's so exciting when I'm feeling good :) I'm tired during my good days but being tired is completely doable! It's definitely different than your run of the mill, being a Mom tired, but I'll take that any day over being sick!

Neulasta Shot:

I get this shot after every cycle. It is used to stimulate the growth of healthy white blood cells in the bone marrow. This is great because it helps prevent infections while my immune system is compromised. It's not so great in that the actual shot hurts and then the bone pains can be kind of intense. The first shot is always the worst they say. I remember I dreamed I was being electrocuted and then woke up still thinking I was being electrocuted before I realized it was just pain in my spine. The following shots haven't been too bad. I mainly get pains in my skull. Kind of feels like someone knocked you over the head. Luckily the pains come and go so they're not constant. As long as I get a break between side effects I can totally handle that (think that's why the sickness is so rough... no break). I still have days where my immune system is weakest and have to be careful. I've been recommended not to be around unvaccinated people and now that flu season is in swing I'm supposed to be extra careful. Apparently a little infection to others could land me in the hospital.  

My last cycle I started to get nail bed pains. It's neuropathy in my nails. They seem to be doing better now so we'll see what time brings. Each chemo treatment is cumulative so I get sicker sooner and side effects can build on each other. 

I also have "chemo brain." Again, that's not really a big deal. I'm sure I'm forgetting some things but this is the general gist of my side effects. It's hard and I will say many prayers that I never have to do chemo again.

I still have a month left so there may be new things or changes but I ONLY HAVE A MONTH LEFT, WooHoo!

I'll update when all this is done (a few months down the line) on all the amazing things Jason, family, friends, people from church have done for our family and me. I honestly know it's because of all of them that I'm able to get through this and still be a Mom to my kids. So many people are genuinely good; I will never doubt that again.