New Car, Late Night

Jason has always been into seeing how efficiently he can drive a car. He would love to put our old cars in neutral and see how far he could coast or how long he could go on a tank of gas and so on. It was a given his new car would be some kind of hybrid. He was pretty bummed his Honda didn't last a couple more years since they're apparently coming out with some new stuff soon. Until he test drove the Ford C-Max Energi. It's a hybrid AND a plug in. He's having so much fun seeing how far he can go before the engine turns on and seeing if he gets a 100% when he brakes. The best part is there is a screen with a branch and leaves. The more efficiently you drive the more leaves appear or disappear if you brake too hard for example. He plugs it in during the night and then it's ready to go in the morning. It's the perfect car for a techy guy. I have to admit I really like it too!

We were supposed to meet Ty and Dana for dinner in Atlanta Saturday night. We had our babysitter come early so we could go by the dealer since we were test driving the car for the day. Well, we started talking to the guy and next thing we know we're filling out paper work. Of course that takes forever so we were super late meeting them for dinner. They stalled very well for us and we ended up being like normal Atlantians eating late instead of our usual "we're way too young to be eating so early" selves. I even ran into an old friend I've know since 4th grade. Definitely a small world!

(Only 55 days until Jennifer's wedding! It was a fun weekend doing wedding stuff while she was in town).

Ode to Faith and Church "Family"

I saved this for last but really it's the most important. My testimony in God and Jesus Christ allowed me to handle this trial and not to wallow in self pity or pull the woe is me card. I think I've handled this whole situation well, but I know the credit is not mine. It was because I had God with me the entire time. I don't believe God "gave" me this trial or I was meant to experience this. I do strongly believe, though, that how we handle trials and what we make of our situations can make us grow closer to God. I strongly believe in blessings and I'm thankful for Jason's role and the comfort I received through blessings. I've been pretty open about this cancer experience, but there are some things that are still personal and private to me and my family. Know that I have no doubt in my beliefs and my faith was what carried me through the past year.

I also strongly believe in the power of prayer and I have to say I felt the many many prayers said for me. I remember feeling such a peace the week after I was diagnosed. There was no reason for this, no news had been given to make the situation better. I know it was because of all the prayers that were being said for me. Friends, family, strangers(!) prayed for me by name and there is no way I can ever thank them enough for me. Friend's churches sent me blankets they made, or cards of encouragement, or included me on their prayer lists, or lit a candle for me, or put me on their prayer rolls. I could go on and on about how much faith people around me have and how I benefited from their faith.

Our personal church really rallied behind me. Meals were set up, gift cards were delivered, a cleaning service was scheduled for me, prayers were said, kids were watched. A lady from our church came over every. single. Monday. for a couple of hours and watched the kids so I could rest or do laundry or go to the doctors... Another lady brought fruit and vegetables to our house every. single. week. Another lady made homemade bread for us during the entire time. Another lady watched our kids for multiple hours during my chemo cycles and brought fun little gifts for the kids. Another, who owns a preschool, offered to let our kids come for free every day. We weren't able to send Abby to preschool due to germy little kids :) but what a kind offer! We were included in prayers, fasts, temple rolls; i.e., what I needed most. My situation was not unique though, service like this is a common occurrence in my church!

I am very blessed.

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www.mormon.org

Ode to Jason

Cancer effects not only the person who's diagnosed, but the entire family.

I believe it was my Mom who said when all this started, "We always knew Jason was good ......."

From the day I agreed to marry Jason I've been that obnoxious girl who talks about how perfect their fiance/husband is. That's because he has always been perfect for me. Jason is my best friend, my strength, my support. I can't even begin to describe what he has done the past year.

He took care of me like no one else could. When I needed to rest he took over. When I needed to talk he listened. When I was too sick to talk he understood. When I needed encouragement he was unrelenting in his faith. When a specific food sounded good he cooked it for me. When I was dehydrated and couldn't drink liquids he bought me a snow cone maker and made me icess.

The best thing Jason did for me was made me laugh, A LOT. Of course, there were tears when we found out my diagnosis but we were still "us" during all this too. It may sound odd, but we genuinely did laugh a lot through all this. Sometimes you just have to. This probably seems silly or vain but he made me feel pretty, which isn't silly to me. We actually went on a lot of date nights during all this since it was so exciting when I was feeling well; we didn't want to waste them. He kept people updated though emails when I wasn't able to respond to everyone or simply didn't want to rehash everything over and over again. I actually didn't know he was doing this for awhile. He knew I needed that before I even did.

Jason gave me the hope and courage I needed.

He had to practically be a single Dad during some of this. When I was first diagnosed Liam was still a little baby who was waking up during the night. Jason took over this duty. He had never had to get up with our babies before since I had always nursed. He woke up with the kids EVERY morning and fed them breakfast. He bathed all 3 kids at night. He put them to bed almost every night. He worked all day then played with kids when he was done. He made dinner for us to eat. He took the kids to the park on Saturdays... He's always been a good Dad but he went above and beyond these past few months.

We are so blessed with Jason's job. He is doing a start up company which of course means a lot of work for him. However, it also meant he could work from home as much as he wanted (which he pretty much did every day) and he could work at night or during the day or in the waiting room, or whenever he needed to. Most importantly, he was able to go to every important doctor's appointment with me. I needed to have Jason with me, I needed his support and I never had to stress about whether he could be there or not.

I love him so much and think we make a pretty good team ;)

Ode to Family

We are so blessed to live near family. I highly recommend it to everyone, and not just in case of a crisis or emergency. Nothing will ever compare to family and their unconditional love. We would not have made it through the past year without family. Not only did we make it through, but our kids were pretty much unfazed and I know that's from feeling loved and taken care of by our family. We joke that this year was the most fun our kids have had. It's seems like it would be harder being diagnosed with cancer when you have a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and a 5 month old but we are actually blessed they were so young. They knew Mommy had to take medicine that gave her a stomach ache and made her hair not grow. Thankfully though, they're too young to have heard of cancer and the connotations that surround that word. They were never scared because they didn't know that was even an option.

My parents pretty much put their lives on hold for us. They watched our kids more hours than I can count. They went to more doctor's appointments than I can count. They took care of me when I was sick. My two best chemo cycles were when I stayed at my parents for a few days. I was fed and slept as much as I needed. The first time I stayed at my parents Liam was with me too. He had a cold, and Liam does not like being sick. He was up during the night and early in the morning. My Mom got up with him everytime since I was too sick. Many days they took Kate to preschool and picked her up and took her to speech, they took Abby to gymnastics, they took the girls to lunch, they had slumber parties with the girls, they helped me if Jason needed to work, they fixed us food, they did laundry.... Honestly, there is no end to all they did. My parent's friends rallied behind us too, and I know that's because of the wonderful people my parents are. My Mom had surgery when I finished chemo, and just a few days later we were trying to find someone to watch the kids for an all day Doctor's appointment that started at 6AM. Jason, commented on how the 5 previous months would have been impossible without her help. (Jason's sister, Jenny, spent the night at our house and got up and watched the kids that day).

My sister came with me to almost every chemo treatment and to many visits for me to get fluids. This was no easy feat considering she lives in a completely different state! My very first chemo treatment was a little unnerving. Jennifer came prepared with bags of goodies, food, chapstick, magazines, shoes... I actually enjoyed this time because I didn't feel sick on chemo days and we got to sit around and talk about her wedding and wedding plans. It was a fun distraction. She also came back for my surgery. She stayed at the hospital with me and would push my pain pump all night while I slept :) She took care of my drains and took care of me my first night out of the hospital. She even held my hair while I got sick. Nothing compares to having a sister and that is why I'm so happy Kate and Abby have each other (and Liam gets 2 sisters)! Honestly, she did so much more than what I've written here.

Jason's Mom came and stayed with us during one of my cycles. It's not easy watching 3 little kids, especially when you don't get a break. Jason also took the kids to Nashville during one cycle, where his parents and sisters helped watch the kids so he could work. During my last cycle he took the kids to Columbus, where again his parents and sisters helped watch our kids. The girls had so much fun on these trips and couldn't have been happier. Jason's Mom also came and stayed with us for about two and a half weeks when I had surgery.  I was in the hospital for a couple of days, then stayed at my parents for a few days to recover some more before kids were crawling and jumping on me :) She did everything. I mean everything! We never could have managed without her help. Liam and MeeMaw did some serious bonding during this time. He was one spoiled boy and I know he loved every minute of his time with MeeMaw. Knowing the person taking care of your kids truly loves them is the most wonderful feeling.

Jason's sister Jenny helped us multiple times and was amazing with the kids. Our sister-in-law SAM and our nieces Rachel and Sara came up and helped us too. Laura and Andy also helped us out. Jason sent me many pictures of Susan holding Liam when he took the kids down to Columbus. I know Scott was thinking of us too from Colorado. We are so blessed. How many people have the support of literally every single family member from both couples?!

Really, the most important thing to us during all this was the kids. Making sure they were taken care of, loved, happy, and unaffected was so crucial to me. Amazingly, it happened but only because of family.

Ode to Friends

When you need to be uplifted there's no one better than friends. It was a very scary time when I was first diagnosed. My friends were amazing and really helped me get through that crucial time. I was gifted and visited and loved and prayed for. We obviously needed a lot of help with childcare during this year and I always knew I had people I could count on. Friends willingly came to our house and watched our kids for us. One friend took the girls every Friday of chemo week for the entire day even though she had kids of her own. One friend spent the night to help me take care of Liam since Jason had promised the girls he would camp with them in the backyard. At the very beginning, a group of friends began planning and organizing to surprise me with the most amazing quilt (that I blogged about earlier). Friends took and picked up Kate from preschool when I needed. Not only did I know I could count on them, they gave me normalcy in my life. An old high school friend even mailed a a huge box of crafts and activities to entertain Kate and Abby. Other friends mailed gifts to the kids, including the cutest little puppet show. Girl's nights were not as common as before but still such a treat for me. I loved how they would try to get snacks I could eat. It was hard being stuck at home a lot and a little isolated but my friends always made sure to let me know they were thinking of me and included me even when they knew I couldn't come. It really meant a lot to me, more than I can express. My sister's friends even drove all the way up to our home and stocked my fridge and pantry.

The most helpful thing was how Dana organized all the scheduling for me. Things were a little overwhelming at the beginning and then when I was sick everything took so much effort. It was so nice not having to worry about childcare or meals or whatever it was. Every single cycle she coordinated with everyone and scheduled it out so I didn't have to do a thing or worry. She also stayed at our house a couple of nights (with her 2 kids) and watched our kids during the day. They had so much fun playing with her, especially Quigley, her dog!

Really, this post does not even begin to describe how great my friends were to me. I'm so thankful to have each and everyone of them in my life.

My Treatment in Numbers and Type of Cancer

Done!

5.5       Months of Chemotherapy

6          Neulasta shots

20        Something bags of fluids

12        Infusions of Herceptin

2.5       Surgeries

72        Steriods

30        Claritins

72        Aleves

20        Something cups of ice

1          PET Scan

2          CT Scans

2          MRIs

3          Mammograms

7          Ultrasounds

2          Bottles of Contrast (soon to be 4)

1          Lymphoscintigraphy
1          Core needle biopsy

1.5       Nails lost

10        Nails separated from nail bed in various degrees

15        Or so pain pills (turns out almost all pain pills make me sick so high dosage of Motrin it is)

14        Tmes I’ve had my port accessed

2          Wigs

5          Hats

2          Drains

2          Implants J

Too Many times to count:

            Doctor Visits (I should figure this out sometime because it’s insane)!

            Thrown up

            Prayers J

Still to Do

Infusion every 3 weeks for a year

Scans 2x a year for 5 years

Many Doctor visits

Have port removed

Many many many prayers cancer never returns!

Background:

Before I was diagnosed I thought breast cancer was simply breast cancer. I had no idea how incorrect that assumption was. I was diagnosed with hormone negative, Her2 positive breast cancer. Mine was extremely aggressive, pretty much as aggressive as it possibly could be.  This is common when younger people are diagnosed with breast cancer. Though mine was even more aggressive than normal. The original tumor was 3.1-4.2 cm. I was nursing at the time and thought it was a clogged milk duct or something. Thankfully, after finding the lump I only waited 3 weeks before going to my ob and she scheduled me for an ultrasound right away (though she and everyone else thought it was something benign and nothing to worry about…)

The morning of the ultrasound they asked me to come back that day for a core needle biopsy. Not the best sign. Plus, I had done my research on the internet and knew what a malignant tumor looked like and saw a very similar picture on the screen during my ultrasound. There was also the fact that the radiologist mentioned how much blood flow was going to the tumor. My biopsy lasted about 45 minutes and they took 7(!) samples.

I’m also so thankful that I was able to see my Doctor, have an ultrasound, a biopsy, meet with a surgeon, meet with my oncologist, meet with another surgeon, have my port inserted, have a PET/CT scan, AND start chemo all within 2-3 weeks.

I responded well to the chemo and at the time of my surgery the tumor was only 9mm. This wasn’t a complete response, which would have been ideal, but it was still a “very good” response and all my doctors were pleased with the results. Thankfully, I responded to the Herceptin. I also learned during this surgery that the cancer had definitely not spread to my lymph nodes. That was everyone’s opinion prior to surgery but they couldn’t say for certain until I had an actual sentinel node biopsy. They removed 6 lymph nodes and did extensive testing on all of them. I am so thankful that it was contained to the breast. I cannot even begin to express that enough! This technically put me at Stage II.

I do have a higher rate of recurrence and a “poorer” prognosis than someone with a different form of breast cancer but my Doctors feel very confident in my outlook and I am choosing to have faith that I have beat cancer and am completely healed!

Bound to Happen and Some Bad Luck

Background:

Jason bought his Honda when we were dating in college. I actually went car shopping with his Dad and him when he picked it out. This car has been through a lot. It was driven many many times between Athens, Atlanta, and Columbus. Not to mention all the road trips we went on pretty much covering the entire southeast and the trip up to CT/NY. Plus the additional trips now between Atlanta, Columbus, and Nashville, GA. When all was said and down he had 230,000 miles on his car! It was becoming quite a sight too. The paint was coming off, the doors creaked, and sometimes it wouldn't start right away. Jason, however, loved his dependable car and was determined to drive as long as possible. It had become a joke between us about how that car would never die and it would be Kate's first car :) Luckily for Kate that is no longer an option...

The Accident:

Jason was driving home from the airport on 285 doing rush hour. Traffic came to a stop and as Jason stopped he glanced in his rear view mirror where he saw a car flying behind them. Knowing they weren't going to stop he gripped his steering wheel and braced for the impact. He was correct and the driver slammed into him sending him into the car in front too. His car began filling up was smoke so after grabbing his computer bag, of course, he made sure it was clear and jumped out. The girl who hit him was starting to drift into traffic so he ran over to check on her and get her car in park. His car was totaled. No question about it. The engine was burning and it wouldn't switch into gear so the highway responders had to ram his car to the side of the road. Jason's hand was hurting, but overall he felt okay.

A guy from church happened to drive by and see who he thought was Jason. He exited, turned around and came back to check on Jason and give him a ride home. How nice was that! Seriously, we are continually served by our ward and fellow members. This was especially nice since it was rush hour and it would have taken me forever to pick him up and would have been tricky getting him.

I convinced him to go to the hospital that night to check on his hand. Thankfully, my parents were able to come over and watch the kids and put them to bed for us. It was a good thing we went to the hospital because he had a broken bone in his left hand. Apparently when he gripped the steering wheel his left hand took most of the impact and the steering wheel was shoved so hard into his hand that it crushed the bone. It wasn't a horrible break but a bone that can require surgery if you're not careful. This was Thursday night. He was leaving Saturday to go back out of town so amazingly he was able to see the orthopedic Friday morning. They put a cast on his hand and arm, which he has to wear for 6 weeks.

Considering how hard he was hit, we are so thankful that all he has is a broken bone! I think Jason bracing himself really helped, especially considering his body isn't sore. He thinks it's because he's in good shape :) We're also glad to know that a car that's 14 years old still had working air bags!

Guess we need to go car shopping soon.

The car that ran into Jason

Jason's poor car

 Hanging out in the hospital. This part wasn't bad. We both laid in his bed and watched Parks and Rec and hung out and talked while we waited. My parents had the hard part!

Testing out his typing skills with his fancy cast. The Doctor gave him a break and kept a couple fingers free since Jason's a computer programmer and kind of needs those fingers!

Date Night with Katherine

I took Kate on a date just for fun. She was allowed to pick out whatever she wanted to wear. Little things like that make it special for her. Kate had never been to a Japanese steak house before so we went to get Hibachi. I was nervous she wouldn't like the fire part, which she didn't, but she loved everything else! We were the only people at our table so Kate felt pretty special that the chief was cooking just for us. She loved the soup and chopsticks, passed on the salad, and only ate her rice. The highlights were the fish at the entrance, making origami, chopsticks, and being on a date with her Mommy :) It was a fun night!

Valentine's Love

We had a lovely Valentine's week. Jason's Mom was staying with us from my surgery so Jason and I took full advantage and went out on a date. Luckily I was feeling up to getting out. It was so nice for Jason and me to spend time together and just talk while we ate at a fancy restaurant (since we have unfortunately become food snobs...).

The girls had a lot of fun too. They, especially Kate, are really into making crafts. I declared our front door the Valentine's door so they could display all their pictures. MeeMaw brought up a bunch of Valentine crafts so they had fun making them with her and me.

We finished off the week with a stop by my parents. I think everyone was exhausted :)

Happenings

Here are a bunch of pictures from the last couple months of my chemo. Most of these are when the kids were with Jason and in Nashville or Columbus with Jason's family!